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I have a love/hate relationship with my morning caffeination routine. On one hand, I love nothing more than treating myself to a cup of hot (or cold!) coffee before I get to work. On the other hand, these daily expenses add up quickly.
Sure, I could cut costs by brewing my own java at home, but it would also cut into those final, fleeting moments of unconsciousness I allow myself before rolling out of bed and facing the fact that I'm a complete and total disappointment to myself and everyone around me.
Realistically, I have but two options. Either I cough up the dough for a cold brew at my favorite cafe (love you, Luna), or I cheap out and sacrifice the precious sleep that I love just as much.
But now there's a third option: little cubes of chewable coffee called Go Cubes, from Nootrobox.
These gummy-like cubes of wonder pack around half a cup's worth of caffeine into a bite-sized package. They're easy to transport, easy to eat, and will probably make you feel like you just ordered Space Coffee from a replicator.
If you're worried about what kind of scary-sounding chemicals Go Cubes are made of, worry not: According to Nootrobox, they're made of real cold-brew coffee.
Okay, okay... they're also packed to the gills with B-vitamins, inositol, and something called glucuronolactone, but we've been assured it's all quite good for you.
You see, like a number of other products from Nootrobox, Go Cubes take advantage of compounds that enhance cognitive function with few side effects. So they not only provide caffeine to perk you up, but also include a cocktail of safe(ish) supplements designed for "enhanced performance."
What type of performances do Go Cubes enhance? I don't know, buddy. You tell me.
Running a marathon? Sure. Taking the SATs? Absolutely. Are you performing in a one-act play and want your performance to be enhanced? Here, eat this cube.
Nootrobox's Go Cube Indiegogo campaign blew past its funding goal weeks ago, but it's unclear when the cubes will finally ship (and, by extension, when our performances will be enhanced). When they finally go on sale, they'll be available in three flavors: latte, mocha, and pure drip.
If I told you, "I often wonder what my life would be like if my morning cup o' joe wasn't liquid in a cup, but in the form of, say, a three-dimensional, six-sided, semi-rigid shape suspended in liquid," I'd be lying. I have never wondered that. It'd be weird if anyone did, frankly.
But if I told you, "I really want to chew jiggly cubes of Glucuronolactone-infused coffee instead of casually sipping bean water from a cup like a normal person," I would not be lying.
That is something I need to experience.