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I hope you're proud of yourself, human race; you've really done it this time. The Fondoodler, a hot glue gun for cheese, now exists and can be purchased for $25.
I suppose it was always going to end this way—in a year full of tragedy, chaos, and strife, there was no other logical outcome than a culinary caulking gun that dispenses hot, coagulated cheese all over your nachos, crackers, or face. Maybe we did this to ourselves. Maybe we're the bad guys.
Here's how it works: load up the canister with whatever cheese you see fit, let it heat up for three minutes, wave goodbye to any semblance of shame you may have once had, and cover your tacos with pure, melty exceptionalism. Or you can just shoot it right into your open mouth, you monster.
I know what you're thinking: "Is the Fondoodler dishwasher safe so that I don't have to actually clean this thing myself, thereby confronting the horrible reality of the world in which I live?" Yes, every piece of the Fondoodler can be washed in a dishwasher. No, that doesn't change the fact that the world is a vampire.
If you were hoping to stuff someone's stocking with a stern reminder that every moment in human history has led to the invention of a hot cheese gun, be forewarned—the Fondoodler is currently on backorder and there's no guarantee it'll arrive in time for the holidays. It's probably for the best, really.