Yes, you really can make a $3,590,933 margarita.
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It may surprise you that margaritas are actually more popular in the U.S. than in Mexico, but it’s true. The U.S. has a way of appropriating the cuisine of other cultures and “Americanizing” it—holidays, too.
Like St. Patrick’s Day before it, Cinco de Mayo is gradually seeping into the catalog of America’s favorite excuses for over-the-top alcohol consumption. And who’s complaining? Not us, of course.
Recipes for your favorite Cinco de Mayo drink are a dime-a-dozen on the web, and none of us at Reviewed is sufficiently schooled in mixology to offer up a unique alternative. But we love two things: margaritas and comically expensive stuff. Why not combine the two?
Each of these products is 100% real. They may not be easy to find, but round 'em up and they’d make the world’s most expensive margarita. But just how much, exactly?
Amethyst Bamboo 9x Korean sea salt is made by filling a thick bamboo stub with sea salt and baking it over a pine wood fire.
The heat reaches an astounding 1473.4°F—close to the melting point of salt (sodium chloride). The process is then repeated seven more times, causing the pine, bamboo, and salt to exchange flavor properties. For the ninth time (hence the 9x), the salt is heated until it actually becomes molten.
Supposedly, this process yields salt with many medicinal benefits. But who cares about health when you’re making the world’s most expensive margarita?
Bet you thought this would be the cheapest part, right? Wrong. Believe it or not, there's a bottle of water that costs a staggering $60,000.
Why? Well, the bottle you get with your 750 mL of Acqua di Cristallo Tributo a Modigliani is made out of solid gold, of course. The water itself is infused with 5 milligrams of gold dust, too—so you know it's good. We can't seem to find where you can buy it, but if you're willing to spend $60,000 on ice, you'll probably figure it out.
If you're looking for something a little cheaper, there's also Kona Nigari. This bottled water product is sold in Japan and made from desalinated ocean water that's dredged up from several thousand feet below the surface near the coast of Hawaii. Why would anyone go to such great lengths (or depths) for water? Supposedly it has some health benefits—but it would probably also make for a great margarita. And hey, it's only $402 a bottle.
For the best, freshest limes, you should really take a quick flight to Iran—you know, the birthplace of the "Persian limes" we've all come to love. Of course, you'll want to fly first class, and you'll want to get there and back before Cinco de Mayo. The ticket price to pull that off? Oh, just $20,589 from New York on Emirates. If you're in Los Angeles, you can hop on a flight for a cool $25,258.
With the associated costs once you actually get to Iran, plus the bribes you'll need to get the produce out of the country, you can probably just round this one up to $30,000.
Margarita purists will tell you that Cointreau or triple sec are more appropriate choices here, but Grand Marnier is far more elegant.
Of course, there's Grand Marnier, and then there's Grand Marnier Quintessence. This particular liqueur is made from a blend of cognacs, some of which are over 100 years old and come from the Marnier Lapostolle family cellar. All of the cognacs in the blend also come from the Grande Champagne growing region in France, meaning you're getting the best of the best.
Margarita purists will tell you that you should use a mild blanco or reposado when making margaritas, but we think that isn't nearly extravagant enough. Appropriate flavor profile be damned—we're going for conspicuous consumption, here.
The famed Tequila Ley .925 Diamond Sterling is a blend of three-, six-, and nine-year-old anejo tequilas made from 100 percent agave. It was produced by Hacienda La Capilla Distillery in Mexico. The company told Reuters that the tequila's bottle is cast in platinum. Designed by the same dude who brought you the $60,000 water bottle, the diamond-encrusted bottle is valued well into the seven-figure range.
If you must have a more traditionally flavored margarita, consider the Casa Dragones Blue Agave Tequila Joven—a perfectly balanced tequila with just a hint of anejo flavor. Unlike traditional tequilas, Casa Dragones is produced through a multi-distillation process (sort of like vodka) that removes natural impurities. The brilliant platinum color is achieved using an ultra-modern filtration system. And the price? $285 a bottle is outrageous for tequila in general, but it can't come close to the Pasion Azteca.
All in all, this cocktail will run you $3,590,933, and that doesn't even include tips and services rendered to get you the ingredients. Sure, most of the cost comes from the wildly inappropriate $3,500,000 tequila, but even if you poured the $285 Casa Dragones, you'd still be spending well over $90K.
Okay, okay... go ahead and take out the $60,000 water, the trip to Iran, and the multi-million dollar tequila. What do you have left? A far less fabulous margarita that still costs $933. Not bad for a rowdy Cinco de Mayo!
This article was originally published on May 1, 2014. It has since been updated with new, even more outrageous ingredients and panic-inducing pricing information.
May 4, 2016
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